Breathe Page 4

  “My assistant?” I asked.

  She smiled. “When you hire one, of course. In the meantime, I’ll be happy to get anything you need.”

  “Thank you.”

  Leslie poured coffee and gestured to the door. “Really, Charlotte. Get settled in and I’ll bring you the coffee and a muffin. Fruit, too?”

  It was too much. At my last job, I’d been an intern for two years and then finally worked my way up just to have to take a leave of absence. Which turned into two-week notice before I resigned. I had been the assistant there. Now I was being assisted. I was sure Finn was used to it, but it was foreign to me.

  It sent a pang of longing straight through me. What if I had to leave for some reason? What if Mark found me and I was forced to run again? I was already falling in love with this place. I didn’t want to say goodbye.

  I left Leslie to deal with the coffee and walked to my office, keeping my gaze from straying through the glass panels of Finn’s. He used to be an early riser. He was probably already in. Probably already deep into his workday. Might as well get myself settled before I bothered him.

  I already had a list of items I needed to speak with him about and a list of items I needed to go through in my own head before eventually speaking with him. Despite my anger about our history, I still wanted to prove myself to him. I wanted him to know how capable I was of doing this job, and just how perfect I was for it.

  Passing another desk that was meant for my assistant, I entered the office and did a quick scan of the space.

  It was half the size of Finn’s—the one I’d eventually end up in if I stayed here—but it was still impressive. Another long bank of windows with a similar view, stretching so far west I was sure I saw a glimpse of the ocean. The desk was imposing but comfortable, with a cushioned chair I already knew I’d spend many hours in. There was a circular meeting table by the window and a small bar that also looked like the one in Finn’s office.

  Leslie breezed in, coffee and breakfast in hand. She settled it at the edge of my desk and pulled out her phone. “Morning messages?”

  “Efficient,” I said with a smile. “I like it.”

  “It’s how Finn does things. Get off to a quick start with all the information. Let me know if I’m going too fast.”

  I slid a notebook over and snatched a pen from the holder. “Ready when you are.”

  Leslie went through a short list, a contractor asking for a meeting Finn thought I should sit in on, security with an issue about the keys in Housing, a fundraiser update, and a few smaller items.

  “Also, Mr. Moore would like to see you when you’re ready. I can let him know if you’d like to meet now or you can buzz me when it works for you.”

  “I’ll buzz you,” I said. “Thanks.”

  I would eat breakfast first. I’d update my list since it was scrawled on the small book of paper from my apartment. A tablet, that’s what I needed. Along with a new phone.

  As I sipped my coffee, I made a list of items to discuss with Finn as well as a breakdown of the tasks I was most concerned about.

  “I don’t have to look to see that’s a banana nut muffin,” a deep voice said from the doorway.

  I jerked in my chair, my eyes meeting Finn’s. “You shouldn’t scare people like that,” I said, voice breathless.

  His face went immediately contrite. He stepped into the room. “I’m sorry, I thought you heard me.”

  “It’s fine.” I pushed through my surprise—and irritation at being startled so easily—to give him a smile. “Good morning.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. Are you okay?”

  He didn’t smile. “You look tired. And you don’t usually scare that easily.”

  “I wasn’t scared,” I said, steel in my voice. “Can I help you with something?”

  Instead of taking the seat across from me, he folded his arms and leaned his shoulder against the door frame. The way his muscles bulged in the suit wasn’t lost on me, or the memory of just how magnificent those muscles were out of a suit.

  “I wanted to make sure you’re getting settled in. I didn’t see you come in,” Finn said.

  I sipped my coffee and ordered myself to calm down. Finn had no idea what had gone on, and even though he was an ass and we hadn’t parted on the best of terms, he had nothing to do with Mark.

  “I’m getting settled in just fine, thanks.”

  “How’d the apartment work out?” He smiled, and some of the tension in my shoulders released. “You ready to switch to the penthouse yet?”

  I laughed. “Not yet. I met my neighbor. Very friendly, and—”

  “And?” he asked when I didn’t continue.

  “It’s not business related.” I pulled my pad of paper in front of me. “I have a few things I’d like to go over—”

  “Wait.”

  I stopped, my mouth open mid-sentence. “What?”

  Finn glanced out to the hallway and then closed the door, making me tense in my seat.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Just listen for a second.” He sat in the chair across from me and leaned in, elbows resting on the desk. “I don’t want to dodge this.”

  I rested against the back of my seat, tapping the pen on my palm in an effort to remain nonchalant. “Dodge what?”

  His jaw clenched. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. We have a history.”

  I rolled the chair back and stood, hating that I felt trapped at my own desk. “This is a job, Finn.” Damn it. “Mr. Moore.”

  He stood as well, hands pressed flat on the desk. “I want you to call me Finn. I don’t wan—Fuck.”

  I walked to the window, all too familiar with the simmer of frustration in his voice—or any man’s voice. So I got out of the way. It was a preemptive move. Instinctual. One left over from my days with Mark. Trying to stop the anger before it boiled to the surface. Before it traveled to his fists and the bruises started.

  But it hadn’t always been physical. In fact, most the time, the marks were internal. Emotional.

  “Charlotte,” Finn said.

  I took a calming breath, finding a focal point outside the window. I heard Finn move a step in my direction.

  “Charlotte, please,” he said, the snap in his voice enough to make me flinch.

  Glancing over, I saw his eyes widen just slightly at my reaction. My neck grew hot. “Let’s work. We should—”

  “Please. Hold on.” He held his hands out, palms forward like he was trying to get me to calm down. Or keep me from running.

  “I can’t.” I shook my head. “Can we work? We need to work.”

  “What did he do to you?”

  My heart stopped. The entire world froze a moment before I found my voice. “I don’t—I don’t know what you mean.”

  Finn stepped closer. I shook my head. He reached for me. “Charlotte.”

  “Don’t touch me. Finn,” I said, more a plea than a warning. “No…”

  But then he was there in front of me, slow and steady. His arms folded around me. I tensed for a long moment, drowning in memories I’d blocked out for so long. Finn’s smell, his strength, his confidence.

  It chipped away at my defenses, allowed me to be vulnerable. Just for a moment.

  Finn’s arms tightened when he felt me relax. “You can talk to me, you know.” His breath was warm near my ear. “I’m here for you.”

  “Finn,” I breathed.

  “Tell me.”

  I straightened. “No.”

  He tried to keep hold, but I pressed against his chest. “Please. You need to let me go.”

  He released a long breath, and then lowered his arms, saying, “For now.”

  Forever. That’s what I wanted to say. We were both so different now. Maybe we should never have been together in the first place, even though we’d had so much fun together. But we’d had nothing in common then, and even less now. Except for Oasis. And it was best to keep it like that.

  I
took a step back, putting space between us.

  Finn ran a hand through his hair and turned to the window, his shoulders tight. “I need to tell you how sorry I am.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do. I should have…” He sighed. “I don’t know. I should have done things differently. I should have thought about things before I did them.”

  He should have told me he wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship. I told him I loved him and he broke up with me. And the next night he was out with another girl at a bar. Smiling the same smile he used to aim at me. Touching her back, her arm, her cheek. Sharing intimate moments I thought he only wanted with me.

  I thought I didn’t need an explanation, but apparently I did.

  Leaning my shoulder against the wide pane of glass, I waited while he struggled through the rest of what he wanted to say.

  Finn glanced over, eyes piercing. “I didn’t know what to do with how I felt. It’s not a good excuse, I know, but I—it was all so much and so fast—like I had jumped forward in time ten years and I was living my future. The one that was supposed to wait until I was ready.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but he straightened and shook his head. “Let me get it all out, please. You’re here and this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to do this. I don’t want to miss my chance again.”

  I blinked, and then remembered. He’d called me before. More than once. But after I found out about Oasis, I’d assumed it had something to do with the place. After all, we’d talked all the time about projects and what our plans were for the future. As long as they had nothing to do with love. Finn’s rule, not mine.

  “I wasn’t ready for everything we had then,” Finn said quietly. “I was thinking too big—worrying about work and school and getting to where I envisioned I should be. Which didn’t include a relationship at that point in my life. And when you”—he glanced away—“when you told me you loved me.” He swallowed. “I got scared.”

  I walked back to my desk, feeling unsteady.

  Scared. I understood scared. I just didn’t understand why he’d dealt with scared in a way that meant breaking my heart.

  Finn returned to his seat across from me, his eyes full on mine. “Not an excuse, I know, but there it is. I’m sorry.”

  I held his gaze for a long moment. “Apology accepted.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  He rubbed his jaw. “Good.”

  I grabbed my pen again. “Ready to work?”

  “Just one more thing,” Finn said.

  “What’s that?”

  “I want to try again.”

  The pen dropped on the pad of paper. “What?”

  He reached out, then seemed to think better of it. “I want us. Again. I want what we had before—”

  “You can’t have that.”

  “Better. I want better than we had before. Charlotte—”

  “Mr. Moore. We’re at work. This is a completely inappropriate conversation.”

  I said it even as my heart raced out of control. I knew it was stupid, but I had let myself get drawn into his gaze for a moment. I had let myself soften because of the vulnerability in his eyes. In his whole posture. Finn had changed. He had a softer side now, and it was what I’d wished for when we were dating.

  But it was too late.

  “We’re going to talk about this,” Finn said, voice low.

  “We’re in my office. We have a job to do. If you can’t respect that, we can’t work together.”

  He clasped his hands together and nodded. I half expected him to stand and say, “Okay, then. We can’t work together.”

  But he just reclined in his chair. “Okay, work and work.” Which meant he wasn’t finished, but he’d play by my rules for now. “What did you need to discuss?”

  “An assistant.”

  “Right. I was thinking Janet from billing because—”

  “No, I had a different idea. Tucker.”

  Finn’s forehead wrinkled. “Tucker Brooks?”

  “Yes. He mentioned he was in between jobs now.”

  “I was planning on keeping him on for tech support, and we have a lot more to do on the website. What made you think of him?”

  “We ran into each other yesterday. If he’s available, I’d like to speak with him.”

  Finn’s jaw shifted. I tried to read what was going on there, but I hadn’t gotten used to this new Finn yet and I had no idea what he was thinking.

  After a moment, he stood. “Good. I’ll ask Leslie to get him up here. Let’s start there and then we’ll meet again later once you’ve got that in order.”

  He opened the door and strolled from the office. I blew out a breath. I hadn’t expected this morning. I hadn’t expected to get the closure I’d been waiting for these last six years. And I’d gotten it.

  But my heart still wouldn’t settle because that wasn’t it for Finn. He wanted a second chance, and I knew from experience, Finn was very good at getting what he wanted.

  Tucker really was in between projects. He was able to move upstairs two hours after I spoke with him and settle in at the desk outside my office. By the end of the day, it was almost like he’d been there the whole time.

  He’d retrieved me a new phone during lunch and returned with a BLT as well since I’d decided to work through the hour. I’d picked at it during the afternoon and got into a rhythm checking in with him about certain topics since he’d been working on Project Oasis for a year longer than I had.

  Around five, I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. I stretched my legs under the desk and rolled my shoulders.

  My phone buzzed.

  I hated that my stomach clenched. That after a year apart from Mark, I was still tense. It was just because of the phone calls last night, that’s all. I’d gotten a new number that only a handful of people knew. Tucker had programmed in the ones I’d need for work and I’d added my mom, sister, and a college friend who I hadn’t seen in weeks.

  A short text appeared on the screen. It was from Finn. Heads up.

  Frowning, I looked up. My office was surrounded with windows as well, glass panes that let me peer into the lobby and see Tucker’s desk off to the side, but I’d closed the blinds. A moment later, Tucker walked in with a large bouquet of flowers.

  He smiled. “Looks like a welcome gift.” He set it on the edge of my desk. “You like tulips?”

  “They’re my favorite,” I said.

  “Someone knows you well, then.”

  “Thanks,” I murmured, reaching for the card in the center. “I think I’m going to be another hour or so, but I don’t need you to stay.”

  “You sure?”

  I grinned at him. “Yeah, just getting caught up. A few more weeks of this and maybe I’ll feel like I’m up-to-date.”

  “I’ll help,” he said. “You have my number, too. I’m in Tower Two at Housing so I’m close if you need anything.”

  “Good to know. Have a good night if I don’t see you before you leave.”

  He nodded and returned to his desk.

  I opened the envelope and spotted Finn’s handwriting. Have dinner with me tonight?

  I gritted my teeth. He’d remembered my favorite flowers. And he still wasn’t keeping it professional. Snatching my phone off my desk, I stalked out of my office. Leslie smiled at me. I pointed at the open door to Finn’s office.

  “Go on in,” she said.

  He stood at the window, staring out with his hands in his pockets, stance relaxed. He looked too good. Too perfect. Which made me even angrier.

  “You can’t send me flowers at work,” I said.

  He turned and smiled, carving a dimple into his right cheek. “It was a welcome gift.”

  I glanced to the door and lowered my voice. “‘Have dinner with me tonight?’ That doesn’t sound like a welcome gift. It sounds like an invitation to dinner. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. This is work.”

/>   He walked to me, eyes glittering with amusement. “I’m sorry.”

  “You already said that earlier.”

  “I meant about the flowers. You’re right. Next time I’ll send them to your apartment. So, how about dinner? You’ve been in that office all day. I know you didn’t leave for lunch.”

  I frowned. “That’s none of your business. And no, I won’t go to dinner with you.”

  “Why not?”

  “I have—plans.”

  “What kinds of plans?”

  Unpacking. A glass of wine maybe. I might even go over to Paige’s and check in. “Again, it’s not your business.”

  “I want it to be my business.”

  I sighed. “Finn. Why are you doing this?”

  To my surprise, he reached out, fingers brushing my cheek. I was too paralyzed by shock to stop him. Chills raced along my arms.

  “I want something between us again. I want…” He eased closer, close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. His breath warm on my cheek. “You.”

  I swallowed and stepped back. “I’m not something to be had. Besides, didn’t we already do that?”

  “I told you I was sorry. I meant it. You’re not the kind of person to deny second chances, Charlotte. I know you.”

  “I’ve changed.”

  He returned his hands safely to his pockets. “Your heart’s still the same. Give me a chance.”

  “I don’t…” I didn’t know how to do second chances anymore. “This is too much right now.”

  “I’ll take it slow,” Finn promised.

  I stared at him. How could this really be happening? I might have gone for it before. I probably would have fallen straight into his arms without so much as a thought before Mark. I’d loved him that much. But I wasn’t the same Charlotte now.

  “Is this why you wanted me to come work here?” I asked.

  “No. Don’t even get that idea in your head. You’re here because this project belongs to you just as much as it belongs to me. Don’t forget, I did try to reach out to you. More than once. I wanted you here from the beginning because you’re perfect for the job. As for the rest…” He sighed. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

  I squeezed my phone tight in my hand like it was a lifeline to sanity. To answers. To peace. “I don’t know what to say.”